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Don't be such a baby
A football player had dislocated his shoulder in a nasty challenge, and was still screaming in agony when they got him to hospital.
"For Heaven's sake," said the doctor, "don't be such a baby, you're supposed to be a big, tough defender. There's a woman having a baby next door and she's not making anything like the noise that you are."
"That's as may be," wailed the footballer, "but, in her case, nobody's trying to push anything back in."
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